And I now repent.


Written on 2/28/2009 08:24:00 PM by Jasper12.01u

7:26 PM 2/28/2009

I'm at my lowest point.
I'm the eldest daughter of three and yet I act like I'm the youngest.
I can't set a good example for my sisters, my parents are fed up with me and my "lack of decency", and truth be told even I am fed up with myself.

And there's another thing between me and GOD.
Lately I haven't been a very obedient servant.
I acted like a saint in front of my friends and yet never once did I pray or even remember GOD.

I am a hypocrite.
And GOD hates hypocrites most of all.

My dad is especially mad at me because I always miss prayers together at the house. Little did he know that it's been months now since I prayed, or that I never once stepped in a mosque or do any prayers when I'm away from home.
I just finished reading the Holy Book together with my family just now.
A ritual always performed after the Maghrib salat together.
I read well. Exceptionally well, in my opinion.
And yet I felt empty.
I read the arabics out of familiarity with the alphabets and not out of faith or of heart.

I felt so sad.
I felt so low.

I want to get close to GOD again.
I want to get drunk in GOD'S LOVE.
I want to quit being a hypocrite and practice what I preach.
I want to love GOD like HE loves me.

My prayer:
With the name of the MOST GRACIOUS, MOST MERCIFUL.
Dear GOD I love YOU,
and I am sorry to have taken YOU for granted.
I have strayed from the Path and now I am trying to get back on track.
Please GOD teach me how to love YOU.
Please GOD teach me how to love myself.
I am a sinner and I now repent.
YOU are THE MOST MERCIFUL, and I now ask for your forgiveness.
I love YOU, GOD. Teach me how to love YOU.