Written on 3/20/2009 06:16:00 AM by Jasper12.01u
5:07 AM 3/20/2009
I woke up probably at 4 this morning.
I didn't want to sleep but I wasn't keen on getting up either.
And so I just laid there on my bed with my eyes closed.
My mind kept playing over and over again the scenes that Hasbi described to me on his text messages. I felt horrible, like I'm some sort of mean monster. But then the self-justification started kicking in. That he wasn't all that good either.
Why didn't he tell me that he was gonna have a class presentation? Why did he tell me that his class finished at 4 while it really finished at 5? When I called him, if the class presentation was indeed sudden as he said it was, why didn't he tell me that he couldn't make it at 4 because he has that presentation? Why did he insist on making me come to "sit in" his class, never telling me that he actually wanted me to watch him do the presentation, but made it seem like it would be just easier to get to my car?
Why didn't he tell me what he was gonna do when we went to FH to give Dila back her car? Why didn't he tell me he was gonna park Dila's car, instead of making me do rounds around the parking lot on mine? Why didn't he tell me how he was gonna give Dila back her keys? I had no idea what he was gonna do so I was just following him around in my car.
When we got in the car, didn't he get it that I couldn't drive while holding hands or being hugged or stuff like that!? And I just hate it how he compared me and the way that I drive to himself. Go drive yourself home if you don't like it. Why didn't he get it that we've gotten out of campus at 5-something PM so we're gonna arrive at his house about an hour or so later, and what time would I get home? Didn't he get it that I would have to drive home alone and in the dark too?
He knew how dark the road to my house is! He knew it but he wouldn't understand it. I believe I have every right to be pissed because of his disorganization and lack of information-sharing I had to go home late when I could be enjoying myself at home, doing my homework early so I wouldn't be rushed and sneaking in classes doing my homework, I could watch the American Idol results show in peace, etc etc. He knew that I have SPM today, and that the homework was always a burden! He knew that every week I couldn't finish my hw on time because of how much problems imposed by the homework. I hated it I hated it I hated it and I hated him especially for this.
And before I knew it, we broke up again without having even gotten back together. Dammit.
6:11 AM 3/20/2009